|Rich AKA Sandsquatch|
While searching for the Sandsquatch in Death Valley my comrades and I happened upon a queer little place called the Amargosa Hotel & Opera House. We were exhausted so we decided to stay the night.
Local legend says the Amargosa is haunted by the spirits of poorly-treated mine workers from a bygone era. Ah, I do enjoy the rubbing elbows with the spirits of revenge-minded commoners.
Rich, the Amargosa's handyman gave us open access to Spooky Hollow (well, he took a fistful of cash for it actually), the hotel's most haunted area.
Rich left for the evening and we set up base camp there at ghoulie ground zero. Almost immediately my investigators began getting astonishing results; class A EVPs, shadow people, audible moans, groans and chattering chains coming from all around us. In a few recordings our names were even mentioned! Intelligent hauntings are the pièce de résistance for paranormal investigators so I whispered "Eureka", with as much restraint as I could muster.
Actually I shouted, "Yahtzee!" like a little schoolgirl, but who's counting?
I Yahtzeed too soon, though.
As it turns out the haunting wasn't intelligent after all: one of my crew spotted handyman Rich, covered in a bed sheet, shimmying through one of the floor's many crawl spaces. He was armed with chains, a piece of construction paper rolled up like a megaphone and a kazoo. "Get out", "this is the house of the devil", and "I am beetlebub" he moaned in a weak, unconvincing voice.
"Beetlebub?" Seriously? At least he could have done some research.
Rich didn't know he'd been found out so when he retreated we followed him home to his filthy doublewide. We were all surprised when, after a few minutes, he emerged wearing a Konga mask and Ghillie suit. He hooted at the moon and beat on his chest before charging off into the desert.
Are you telling me that one portly hoaxer is responsible for all the paranormal activity in the 5th largest National Park in the U.S.A.? Are you telling me that we were almost fooled by a tactic used in nearly every episode of Scooby Doo Where Are You? Are you telling me Rich is the Sandsquatch?
If so please stop because it's depressing.
Me teach, you learn.
AKA "The Naturalist