Monday, June 29, 2015

The Timber Giant is Real

Dearest fans,

I have uncovered additional proof from the night of June 5th that should put to rest any discussions of hoaxed/CGI footage.

Through the use of this new data I created a rough size comparison that clearly shows this creature, Von Beringe's Upright Timber Giant, is far bulkier than first suspected... larger, without a doubt, than a human wearing an ape costume.

Size comparison

Other news: Many thanks to those of you who attended my enshrinement at the University of Wisconsin's Zoologist Hall of Fame, it was an honor thought by many to be long overdue.

My pal, Jeff Meldrum
Next week: my famous footage will be confirmed as genuine by Timber Giant specialist and long-time collaborator Jeff Meldrum.

Best regards,


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Von Beringe's Southern California Upright Timber Giant

Yes, the title of this posting is correct: I have indeed dubbed the creature in my famous video after myself... it is my right after all. The name "Von Beringe's Southern California Upright Timber Giant" will soon ring through the halls of academia as I am proclaimed the discoverer of the creature commonly misidentified as Bigfoot.

Here I provide wood carvings of my associate Monk and myself for any institutions that would like to get a head start on adding us to the annals of natural history.

Further evidence of my astonishing discovery can be found below. In the video you'll see Monk & I leaving camp less than an hour before the creatures appears. Not only does this offering contradict any notion of CGI enhancement, it also provides a source of scale, supporting my claim that the hairy beast must have been upwards of 8 1/2 feet large.

For those interested in breaking down my videos, you should know--for the sake of scale, yaw, pitch & roll--that Monk and I were camped on a steep incline in the area in Griffith Park known as "The Old Zoo." 

Thank you in advance for your good wishes on my history-making discovery.

All the best,


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Fabulous Wildlife Appearing Nightly!

My Wood Ape footage certainly has caused a stir on the Internet. The sheer number of angry comments, cheerful support and preposterous theories has left me with a case of the dithers; should I post the other videos that were captured that same night? They would certainly answer a lot of questions and quash the inane presumptions. Perhaps later.

For now, I leave you with a medley of footage shot by my beloved Moultrie A5 low-glow game camera here in my driveway where fabulous wildlife appears nightly!

Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Holy Grail

Whilst camping in Southern California's Griffith Park Friday last, my trail cam caught something... remarkable.

Is this indisputable proof of the Timber Giant? And if so, what in God's name did he do in my tent before the camera began rolling? Upon returning to camp I noticed two empty Quest brownie bar wrappers littering the interior of my abode. Was it thieving rabbits or common hooliganism? I didn't learn the truth until I returned home on Saturday AM and reviewed my trail cam footage.

Quest bars are delicious and nutritious butbecause of their sugar alcohol contentthey cause a great deal of absurdly loud and noxious wind... sometime for days after being consumed. 

Those interested in capturing further evidence should scoot up to the ruins of the Old Zoo in Griffith Park and start listeningand smellingfor the trail of this particular Sasquatch... he should be exceedingly easy to locate.