Many years ago my trusted guide, Mofongo and I peregrinated the El Yunque National Forest collecting the park's greenest bananas. Mofongo carried over one-hundred pounds of the ripening fruit on his strong back while I urged him along with my riding crop.
Road weary, I gazed into the forest canopy to daydream, and that's when I spotted the head & shoulders of an Indricotherium, that is to say: a 50-foot tall, long-legged rhinoceros. "How can this be?" I wondered aloud, "This creature went extinct eons ago."
Before I could answer my own question, the Indricotherium's foot came crashing down on top of Mofongo and my bananas, not necessarily in that order. The creature escaped as I came to Mofongo's aid, but alas he, and my bounty, were squashed flat as a johnny cake.
I miss that old obsidian bastard, with his grimacing smile and stories of back pain and cramping legs. But I can always remember him by enjoying the signature dish of Puerto Rico, which I named after him:
3 cups canola oil
3 cloves garlic, 3 tablespoons olive oil
2 plantains, peeled and squashed flat
Fry the squashed plantains until golden and crispy, but not brown, about 15 minutes. Transfer the fried plantains into a mortar with the garlic and olive oil. Toss to coat. Violently mash the coated plantains with the mortar and pestle until smooth. Season with salt before serving.
AKA "The Naturalist"