Fabulous Wildlife Appearing Nightly!

My Wood Ape footage certainly has caused a stir on the Internet. The sheer number of angry comments, cheerful support and preposterous theories has left me with a case of the dithers; should I post the other videos that were captured that same night? They would certainly answer a lot of questions and quash the inane presumptions. Perhaps later.

For now, I leave you with a medley of footage shot by my beloved Moultrie A5 low-glow game camera here in my driveway where fabulous wildlife appears nightly!

Lesson twenty-six: Guest theorist

Theories on Pedal Arrangement and Seasonal Adaptation in the Yeti

by Dr. Bhasmati Rhyce, University of Utter Pradesh

In my opinion, western science has to date failed to take into account some plausible theories regarding the Yeti and why no specimens have so far been captured. I believe the answer to this question is twofold: that this hominid possesses a unique foot arrangement and further undergoes chromatic seasonal changes. 


I now accept the Sherpa legend of the Yeti having its feet pointing backwards to be quite plausible, despite the fact that this phenomenon is as yet unknown among any of the Earth's biota. It can quite conveniently explain why tracking this creature has so far yielded no positive results – those tracking it have been going in the wrong direction! Indeed, during my 2009 expedition to the Himalayas (accompanied by Dr. Guptil Singh of the University of Mysore and Prof. Baba Rum Raisin of Sacred Cow College) my colleagues and I were continually confounded by positively-identified Yeti tracks leading absolutely nowhere. One might even speculate - given these hominids presumed intelligence - they may engage in a hearty horselaugh by misleading their presumed captors in such a manner.


I further believe the Yeti exhibits chromatic variance according to the seasons, much as do other alpine taxa such as the ermine and ptarmigan. That is, the Yeti's hide is brown in summer and white in winter. Based on this speculation, we may now accept reports dismissing Yeti sightings as Himalayan sun bears to be false. This should have already been evident as no Yeti has the distinctive “Y”-shaped chest marking characteristic of these bears, nor do they possess an obscenely long tongue.


Taking these new theories into account, my colleagues and I are planning another Yeti expedition to Nepal in the winter of 2013, this time dressed entirely in white and planting our transect lines while walking in reverse.

Dr. Rhyce during his failed 2009 expedition
to sight a Yeti in Nepal

Lesson twenty-five: Assault of the Crystal Fiend

Last night our camp was raided by the Crystal Fiend. It is indeed a type of cave-dwelling Sasqutach.

"El Demonio Vitreo"

The creature upturned our tents, tore through the camp and made off with some of our most valauble supplies.


My right hand man, Renny managed to get a photograph of the beast just before it put him in a mighty sleeper hold. Renny survived the assault, and the rest of the crew is shaken but unharmed. 


I, however, am furious: the Crystal Fiend absconded back into its cave with our last batch of Otter Pops. 


I'm going in after it, in the name of science... and frozen snack treats.


-RVB

Lesson twenty: The Ultimate Cryptid

Creation of the Big Man?

Is God a cryptid?

Before anyone gets offended let’s examine what God has in common with the most famous of all cryptids, Big Foot.

1. Many people believe yet there is little evidence.

2. Has passionate devotees and skeptics.

3. Goes by many names yet followers have not settled on one.

4. Up to ten feet tall with flowing hair.

5. Wrathful, merciful, vengeful and forgiving.

6. Never there when you need them.

-RVB

Lesson Fourteen: Knowing vs. proving

No caption necessary

Had my great grandfather not made the world aware of the existence of the gorilla would this majestic beast be on the brink of extinction today?  Probably not.

When humans become aware of something they are compelled to assimilate it, and resistance, as they say, is futile.

A notion for Bigfoot hunters: perhaps the Wood Ape is better off existing only in the recesses of the human mind...

- RVB

http://www.awf.org/section/engaging_you/donate/

Lesson Thirteen: The Platina Timber Giant

A grubbing Wood Ape

I'm en route to Platina, CA on an nostalgic expedition of sorts: my first encounter with the Wood Ape was a sighting off HWY 36 when I was a young lad.  The creature was grubbing a rotten log as seen in the photo above.


Platina is in Shasta County, home of volcanoes, toothless drifters and more meth labs per square kilometer than anywhere in the western hemisphere. Wish me luck.


- RVB

Lesson Twelve: The language of Sasquatch

Actual conversation

I have read the reports and listened to audio files of the Wood Ape supposedly speaking in a Samurai-like chatter.  This is not only incorrect, but undoubtedly insulting to the Samurai.

In my experience with the creature it speaks perfect Punjab but only understands phrases delivered in Haiku format, regardless of the language. 


RVB